One of the odd things about my sexuality is how it has changed over the years. Until puberty, and actually, into my early teen years, I had crushes on both girls and boys. But from 14-15 on it was all about girls/women except for three or so male TV/movie crushes (the kid on “Life As A House” played by Hayden Christensen when I was 19 or so and Daniel from “Stargate SG-1″, and Raven from “Rupaul’s Drag Race”). I’ve been very honest about that on certain sites, etc. and have been told by people that I shouldn’t call myself a lesbian because of that or that I am “confused” and that I should instead call myself bisexual. Sometimes I even wonder if maybe that is true. But I feel like it would be sort of like “false advertising”. I can’t imagine being in a relationship with/marrying a man. I just wouldn’t be very attracted to him and it wouldn’t work out. But I can totally imagine myself with a woman and that is what my heart/soul desires. So, calling myself bisexual when it’s not a guy I’m hoping for seems wrong to me.
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I just think that, for some people, sexuality isn’t black or white. Unfortunately, in this world, it’s expected to be that way and also expected to be defined as either “straight”, “gay”, or “bisexual” for the most part. I choose “gay” because I sort of have to choose something and I feel that fits me. When I told my mom I was gay, I told her that I had crushes on both boys and girls until puberty or so and then that started to change and switch over to girls and has stayed that way since. (True.) She seemed to understand that, luckily. Odd that my mom can and others seem to have such a hard time with it.
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Yes, it’s a little bit ironic that your own sexuality seems to matter so much for other people but not yourself really. A lot of people just love to divide people into categories: gay, lesbian, bi or straight. I’m not exactly comfortable with any of those terms but other people get really confused if I don’t label myself. So I do it for other people. It just makes things easier. Which is a bit sad. Why is sexual preferences so damn important for people when they want to define my identity?
I agree.
I feel that however you personally identify is your sexual orientation. If you feel identified as a lesbian and not bisexual that is who you should identify as. Also it makes sense that you would identify as a lesbian if you cannot see yourself falling in love with or getting in a serious relationship with a man, and it could mislead a man if he thought you were bi and you knew you didn’t want to be with any guy like that but he was unaware of that. And if almost all your attractions are to women with the exceptions of a few celebrities I think it’s reasonable to call yourself a lesbian…ultimately it is how YOU feel about it that matters. I myself am similar except in the opposite way. I am primarily attracted to men sexually and romantically, but occasionally may find certain women sexually attractive and may even have certain bisexual fantasies. The truth is I don’t like labeling myself but when. Do I’d say I am straight, or more precisely “mostly” or “primarily” straight.
I agree with everything you said. And those are the reasons I consider myself a lesbian and not bisexual, despite having had crushes on males. I would never want to mislead a guy into thinking he had a chance with me, when in reality, he really would not. And by calling myself bisexual, that would give guys the impression that I could be attracted to them enough to be in a relationship, or even be sexual with them and I can’t really imagine either scenario actually happening.
I wanted to add that even though I feel I am primarily straight, and am not usually attracted to women in real life (or even very often on celebrities, although I am somewhat attracted to Stevie Nicks lol) in a sexual or romantic way, I wouldn’t rule it out completely, because in high school I had a friend named Toni, who turned out not to be a true friend at all and it was an emotionally abusive relationship…even slightly physically abusive…anyway I was obsessed with her and totally defined my life by her for a year and a half. I was so emotionally attached to her and she was the center of everything for me at that time. I even envisioned us raising a baby together, if I got pregnant by a guy…anyway I did have some sexual feelings about her too, which weren’t explicitly about sexual behaviors, but were more s/m like, masochistic. The acts weren’t sexual but the sexual arousal feeling was there. I think if she had nt been a homophobe and had accepted gay people and admitted to bisexuality herself, I could easily have gotten into a sexual/romantic relationship with her, probably (although I can’t be sure, because it did not happen that way, she espoused homophobia and her homophobia and that of my peers in general led me to internalize it and at that time in my life develop homophobic views myself for that temporary period of time when I was in her thrall.) So basically, what I am saying is, I believe it COULD be possible for me to develop that kind of attraction for a woman, maybe not to most women, but probably could happen with certain ones, not sure though. My general orientation is straight…
I feel basically the same, only opposite. I may be able to be in a relationship with a male someday, it just seems pretty far-fetched and not likely to happen. But I guess it could happen with someone. I can’t say never.